Monday, September 22, 2008

I Can't Make Fire

Ever since I re-jacked myself in to the Entertainment Super Highway, otherwise known as digital cable, I've been hooked on a show called "Man vs. Wild". If you've never seen it before, you should because it's pretty friggin' awesome. I'll give you the run-down: Basically, this skinny white English guy throws himself out of a helicopter with a knife and a chapstick, chows down on whatever bug or dead mammal comes across his path, climbs up mountains, and slides down glaciers to find his way back to civilization.

Now, some of the show is definitely staged, but it really doesn't take away at all from the overall effect. That effect is what prompted me to attempt to start a fire with nothing but a flint and grass clippings in my back yard. Did it work? Nope. Well, kind of. I did get several embers and a small flame on a few occasions but never anything substantial enough on which to cook the steak that I filleted off the cougar that attacked me which I killed with the spear I whittled from the giant oak that I felled with the axe that I smelted from the iron ore that I excavated from the bat cave that I repelled into with the rope that I wove from the vines that I trimmed in the jungle which I traversed on my journey to discover an ancient race of pygmies who live deep in the Amazon who have no running water, no modern textiles, no cars, no planes, no blogs, and no lighters but who still manage to make a freaking fire!

I feel useless.

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Fort Smith, Arkansas
...just narcissistic enough to own a blog.